Elvis in 1999…

Special to Astronet

Birth Data: Jan. 8 1935, 4:35 AM, Tupelo, MS (USA)

(data courtesy of TCR Software)
Elvis is a Capricorn with Sagittarius Ascendant, and a gentle Pisces Moon.

January: The first part of the month sees the Sun return to its natal position. When this happens, the Solar Return, it gives an indication of the flavor that the year is going to have. While "deepfried" might be a better term for a year like what’s up ahead, it looks the King will have a Virgo Moon, loosely conjunct his midheaven for the year. This is going to impart a purposeful sense to this year. It’s a time when he
will apply a little bit of that Virgo sensibility, rather than risibility, to looking for a job change. Mars is also going to lend some energy to this idea of a change of employment. It’s time for the King to put some energy into career
matters, and this is a theme for the rest of the year, as indicated by his Solar Return. It’s also a big time for concerns for his appearance as Pluto makes the first of several approaches to his Ascendant.

February: Pluto makes its closest approach on this round to the King’s Ascendant. Going to make for some drastic
changes — I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to find out that he’s changed
his wardrobe from Hawaiian shirts to a more somber black T-shirt and sports
jacket. This is further emphasized by the fact that there the eclipse of this
month hits his 3/10 axis. That eclipse happens at a very late degree of Aquarius,
and it’s guaranteed to set up some unstable energies with the car department
in his life. Time to consider a new car. Or, seeing as how he’s a Cap, a new,
old car. Perhaps one of those V-8 Fords that he always sings about. It’s not
until the end of this month that Pluto slows down in order to change his direction.
And Pluto is still in Sagittarius, still going kind of slow. Time to look at
the old closet and consider getting something new. And don’t let that Old Kentucky
Blue Moon get you down with this eclipse.

March: "I heard the news, there’s
a good rocking tonight!" That’s a simple message for this month because
the Sun passes over the lowest point in his chart at this time. The only drawback
might be the little Mercury thing coming up, but even that won’t upset the King
too much. It just heightens his chance of exposure because carefully constructed
plans seem to fall apart at this time. This is exacerbated in his chart by the
fact that Mars will begin its retrograde path in his 11th House, Mars does a
backward spin about once every two years, and it’s normal set of brakes on the
wheel of life. While this might slow a lot of us down some, it doesn’t look
like it has an adverse affect on the King. It’s just matter of dealing with
friends in a different way. A seance to resurrect the spirit of the Colonel
might be in order this month. It could be a big media event.

April: It’s a funny month because
it begins with more than the usual Fool for April First. There’s a nice Sun
and Jupiter conjunction. In the King’s chart, it occurs in his 4th House. Now,
Jupiter is the lucky star. And it always takes a little bit of a helping hand
from Lady Luck to get through the month of April. The outpour of mirth and merriment
quickly goes away for his Capricorn Sun is just as quickly squared by the Sun
as it moves along its prescribed path. This is a time when all Caps want to
stop and figure a few things out. Things like which way is really up, and what
do I really want to be doing? The fun of April First grinds to halt pretty fast.
There’s an added consideration in the King’s chart, towards the end of the month,
as Venus makes a fast pass into his 7th House. New romance? Old spark? Old flame
come back to visit? With Mars doing a rear guard motion, it’s likely to be the
old flame variety.

May: This year’s Mar’s Retrograde
is about to come to a halt, and it slows down, just about to turn around but
doesn’t quite make it. Almost but not quite. In the later part of the month,
Mars slides back into Libra and this will affect the King because his Saturn
is at a late degree of Aquarius. It’s easy to see a little comic relief here,
you know, when a material arts person attempts to break the stack of boards?
And fails miserably? That’s what happens under this stellar influence. I’m not
predicting a broken wrist, but he might not be able to do some of the activities
he used to pursue. In fact, anyone with a little Aquarius in them needs to be
careful right now. And that lovely Venus in the 7th House thing draws to a close
this month, too. Time to move on.

June: I don’t want to put ideas
in your head, or worry you about certain activities of this old guy, but the
King has a hot June coming right up. It doesn’t happen right away, but it does
get going, a little later in the month. There’s a New Moon at a late degree
of Gemini, and then the Moon, as soon as it gets done with the Sun conjunction,
it makes a respectable angle to Mars which is no longer retrograde at all. And
all this stuff is going to start something up, or make something happen, or
give the King impetus to forge ahead with a new relationship or partnership
because this is all happening in his 7th House. Bet it’s a new release of old
material, given his Capricorn sensibilities.

July: It really depends on your
location on the planet, but in most cases, actual Full Moon is over before this
month really starts. However, there will be some lingering affect of the Full
Moon to help kick off the month with a party like atmosphere. Hey, the King
didn’t get the handle, "The Memphis Flash" for no reason. And that’s
what this month starts out like, with a lot events occurring rather rapidly.
The heat of summer gets a brief respite with the New Moon, shortly before the
Ides of July. This is a time for someone to come through with some extra front
money for the King because this New Moon, while almost opposite his Capricorn
Sun, is in his 8th House. That sets a good tone for the rest of the month.

August: This is a month that will
be called by many different names, but I don’t think most of the names should
be printed in a family magazine, and I seriously doubt that the King would allow
this sort of language. There’s Venus retrograde in his 9th House, there’s a
minor Mercury Retrograde, and there’s an eclipse which does the worst damage,
and at the same time, allows for the most forward motion. Romance for the King
will be rocky at this time because because the both the eclipse and the Venus
Retrograde are opposite his Saturn. Means there’s an issue there which has been
left to fester for a long time, and this one looks like it involves strong women
in his life. Could be a problem, but you know, it’s one of those little things
that should have been taken care of years ago. That’s the delicate nature of
the Venus Retrograde.

September: The New Moon in early September corrects all of August’s assorted astrological afflictions. While this a chance for a some healing and restorative medications and ministrations to take place, with Mars kicking up his heels in the King’s 12th House, I’m not so sure that he’s going to be as restive as he should be. This Mars situation is further enhanced, or made more irritable, by rolling past Pluto which might bring a certain situation to a roiling boil. Then again, this might all just pass as quickly because just as soon as Mars gets past Pluto, Mars passes the King’s ascendant, and that’s when things get good. Some travel will be featured, later in the month, brought about by Mars. Looks like a trip to the Father Land, back to Tupelo.
October: Early in October, Jupiter and Neptune square each other pretty good. This is pretty important to anyone with planets at early fixed degrees, and the King has a little node right there. What could be worse than having a gas giant sit on your node? How about two gas giants? That’s what it looks like for him. However, this is a quick connection this time, and those two drift into separate places pretty quick. And the end of the month is a favorite time for people in hiding because they can dress as themselves. That’s why the Mercury retrograde might not be such a bad time for him to play like himself. And the King never really left, he’s been with us all along.
November: This month holds a time of regeneration as Mercury spends most of the month retrograde in Scorpio. This path starts out in Sagittarius, but it quickly slides back into the Scorpion’s sign. And that means the retrograde pattern for the King deals with matters of his 12th House, matters of the subconscious. Time to rethink, retrench, and rework some old material. There will be some new material from the King this year, some forgotten recodings at Sun Studios, something deep and dark bubbling up from a backwater that no one expects. It’s like the old "Hayride" recodings, no available on CD. Of course, like a Mercury Retrograde, these "Hayride" songs don’t offer good sound quality. This isn’t the beginning of the King’s digital age, even though the Jupiter and Uranus Square this month might have more symbolism for the rest of us.

December: There is a strange little dichotomy that sets itself up every years in the King’s chart, around this time of the year. The sun goes blazing its way across his ascendant, and this is a like birthday to many. In fact, the good things which are supposed to happen on a birthday usually really occur at this time. Then there’s also a little problem wit the 12th House at this time, because the trailing edge of the planets are still over yonder in his 12th House. On the one side of the coin, let’s call it "heads," he’s a happy person right now, with a full year behind him. On the other side of that coin, though,m it’s "tails," and he’s still has some lingering insecurities nibbling away at his soul’s dark side. It always works out by the time holidays get into full swing, it’s just the getting there that can be a little tough. He finds himself wondering about mistakes, perhaps dwelling on them too much at this time. As the days get shorter, though, he really begins to shine. y Xmas time, he has a whole new attitude, one that is bright enough to carry him into the next millennium.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999. Elvis is a trademark of Elvis Presley, etc.

Give me some music; music, moody food
Of us that trade in love.

Cleopatra in Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra Act II, scene v.

Year overview:

We’re going to start this year with Saturn making a final “sweeping up” gesture in Aries. And the two big guys, that would be Neptune and Uranus, are pretty firmly in the first part of Aquarius. There isn’t too much in the way of eclipse action this coming year, and that’s something to look forward to. And that lunar stuff occurs on a Leo/Aquarius axis. For the fixed signs, though, it will be a time to remember. Or a year to forget, but wait. There’s a Mars Retrograde, from Mid March until the end of May that’s going to have a lasting effect on Scorpio, as well as the other fixed signs. Stay tuned for individual updates on that little number. The first of several Mercury retrograde tirades happen about the same time, too. Fortunately, Mercury moves a lot faster than Mars, even when it’s rolling backwards in our sky. “Always check twice before throwing the truck in reverse,” is the sage advice at this time.

And then the next Mercury retrograde crops up about in July, leading into an annual Venus backspin. Jupiter joins them all moving in an easterly fashion starting in late August, and he stays like that through most of November.

The seven year, more or less, cycle of Neptune and Saturn is going to play havoc with our perceptions of reality as they tangle once in July and once in November, or so it looks like. Sometimes it’s hard to read the astrology fish finder to get accurate pictures, that far in advance.

Your year ahead:

Aries : If you have a lot of Aries in your chart, this is going to be the year that you do well. Therein lays the good news. The only problems we all have is that the year starts out kind of slow. Those old New Years’ resolutions just don’t get off to a good start at first. But towards the end of February, I would suggest looking to March First myself, about the time it is “unofficially” spring in Austin, things begin to warm up in your sign. By then, I’ll have the bass boat all cleaned up, and I’ll finally have the motor put back together. Couldn’t happen soon enough, either. It’s off to a good start with the Aries Fishing Season, perhaps a little early even, because Jupiter AND Venus come crawling into your sign at about the same time. This is going to give you a little kick, maybe even a big kick, like a professional wrestling body slam. What happens next? glad you asked. Act quickly because the accepted ruler of Aries is just fixin’ to do an interstellar about face. You’ve got a two week window before your month begins to get all your ducks in a row. Or, in my case, get that motor put back together. Venus warms you up, maybe a little bit before you’re really ready, but take her good spin, and put it to use for you. And remember, as Mars begins his pattern of ill-intent, you need to have the motor fully assembled before the Ides of March, or don’t plan on getting all the piece back together until much later in the spring. The rest of the year is a good one for you and money because of the Jupiter effect. I never ask for much, but if you’re going to win big, then this is the year, and all I’m asking for is one percent. And what Mars undoes at first gets a chance for much improvement because when the whole retrograde thing is over, he makes fast tracks to please you.

Taurus : Birthdays are always special times; however, I’m wondering just how my special Taurus friend will treat me when she catches wind of what is going on this birthday time. The preceding months and preceding retrogrades set a negative tone. It’s like having a fishing partner who complains before you get to the lake. Before the boat is ever in the water, your buddy is moaning about how luck seems to have abandoned you both. Be careful about those self-fulfilling prophecies. It’s just around the spring time that everything takes a little vacation, call it an early summer vacation.The long term influence this year is looking at Saturn, the old taskmaster himself because he wait for no one, and he’s going to be in your sign from around Valentine’s day right on through to the end of the century. In his case, it’s high time you make friends with “old man fate,” as some astrologers refer to him because he’s here for the duration. Go back and review the Saturn notes from last year, or maybe it was the year before. Take a look at the “work” issue at a time like this. This summer of 1999 is a warm up exercise for some of the celestial stuff “just fixing” to happen in the next year. Saturn is here first, like a scout, or riding point, and he promises great rewards for your hard work. July 4th brings a summer relief, but don’t forget about what’s up ahead. Jupiter peeks into your sign at this time, and there’s a wonderful Venus/Jupiter thing which promises you a Sagittarius rendezvous, at least briefly. A fire sign to help you enjoy the summer. After that, though, it’s back to Saturn and his strict role for the rest of the year.

Gemini : The nicest thing about being a Gemini is just that, you are a Gemini. and with a fair degree of Gemini in your chart, there are some good things which will be happening this year. The idea of romance, old loves and new loves, becomes a very prominent theme. Of course, the idea of old loves reminds me of a scene from a great fishing movie, the movie about that giant shark gobbling up people on the east coast. It’s the old flames that seem to behave like that big fish. Now, if you will recall, mankind always seems to triumph over the various exigencies foisted upon us by nature, and in that vein, you will eventually overcome this year. And although it is frowned upon by the Fish and Game Department, I still feel that you might want to consider using dynamite as one form of bait this year. The whole trick is to keep it from blowing up in your face. This is due to the way Mars behaves this year, first in Scorpio, then Retrograde, then on through the sign opposite you. So the culprit this year is Mars, and how you play with his energy is important. I know that you’ve been thinking about a new car, and yes, this is a year to get mobile again. Or get more mobile. Now, with this year long Martian influence, I would like to suggest that red is not the color you should pick for your new car. I know it has a certain zesty, sporty appeal, but I still think a more subdued color scheme for that new car, or bass boat, would be a better decision. Perhaps if you consult with a Taurus about the color, you’ll find yourself making a better vehicle decision in the coming year.

Cancer : There are big turning points in your career this year. And, despite some Astrological Stock Market indicators, you’re set for a good year, in the long run. The eclipse cycle does hit your earning potential in a pretty strange way, and that’s going to set the tone for the year ahead. Just about every Cancer wonders about that elusive quality, love. And yes, that takes a few punches this year, too, however, if you are willing to roll with these punches, I’m sure your love life will survive. What’s going to happen is that you get all caught up in a tug of war at one point this year, to me it looks like late summer, and rather than engaging in this tug of war, you’re going to be really tempted to just let it drop. In case you’re not familiar with the effect this has, let me explain. If you stop, let go of the rope, and just walk away, your former opponent falls over backwards, landing on his or her backside. It’s not a graceful exit for your former flame, now turned adversary. Of course, if this is merely a business situation, you will be tempted to squeal with glee. In either case, don’t gloat. It’s not a pretty sight and there’s the odd chance that the last Mercury Retrograde and ensuing holidays might find you wanting to pick up that rope again. It’s a little more difficult if you’ve burned some bridges, to borrow another metaphor. Careful about what you set fire to this year, because you might want to use it later. Of course, there are some of us who would appreciate the fact that you’ve set fire to some of this stuff, and we’ll be happy to show up with a brisket and some pork ribs for a good BBQ.

Leo : This year looks good for Leo, just no two ways about it. And lest you think that I’m merely pandering to the Leo sensibilities right now, then let me assure with some astrological data, that aforementioned eclipse cycle, along with Neptune and Uranus in Aquarius, over yonder on the opposite side of the zodiac from ya’ll all promises exciting changes. The July born Leo’s will spend a goodly portion of this year in a pleasant haze, induced, no doubt, by Neptune. Enjoy this sort of purple haze because it’s certainly time for the Leo’s to be enjoying themselves.. The other August Leo’s are not so fogged in, and might find something cutting through the haze enjoyed by the earlier ones. Whatever it is that comes slicing and dicing through your chart, at this time, promises to be new and exciting. As we all approach the millennium, realize that your stability might get a little shaken up, but the pattern of the planets, including Jupiter for most of the year, offers some good news. There’s something that your building towards, and it looks like it’s a year for “out with the bad, in with the good.” Unfortunately, this also includes, “out with the old, in with the new.” There’s got to be a good theme song for this, but I’ll let a special Leo come up with that tune. I dare say that no other sign can equal what sort of creative ideas are going to be born in Leo this year.

Virgo : One of the finest attributes for Virgo is the great attention to detail. And it is this very attention to detail that will get you through this coming year. It’s not a year without a few challenges, and your razor sharp Virgo brain will immediately assume that this means trouble. I feel like it means something different. A challenge to you is to come up with a new way of approaching problems. You have an innate sense about how to approach the same old troubles that you’ve seen, year after year. In this coming year, I trust that you are going to find a new way to solve old problems. Now, this works like a “to do” list, and as you tackle each problem, come up with a fresh answer, you will find that you can check all this stuff off your list — forever. As the millennium approaches, you can say good bye to some nagging difficulties for a long time. Doesn’t much matter what it is, but I was sort of hoping for some new lures. I’m serious, you know, there was guy in California last year, he came up with this new lure that works like a champ when it comes to reeling a record catch. It’s a combination of new and old technology, some plastic stuff, old fashioned wriggle action, and a new design that really, really works. The designer hasn’t answered my mail yet, but I’ll bet he’s a Virgo. Now, I know you can do something like this, this year. It’s your chance. Once you’ve got that new lure, it looks like the end of the year holds a record catch for you, real or imagined.

Libra : The Texas Lottery is an institution. I play it every time I get in South Texas because, statistically, it looks like that’s the best place to win. I know that no one in my own hometown has ever won, or so it seems. However, the gambling bug is going to grab you this year, and it won’t let go. I would attribute this to the fact that Mr. Jupiter is going to be “over yonder” in Aries for much of this year. While this can be good, it can also be a little weird at times. Maybe a warning like that, for a whole year’s forecast, isn’t the best way to phrase it. But I lack better terms. “A little weird” is the tone for this year. It might, at times, be a really strange, but I feel like you going to approach the big year 2000 thing with a certain degree of calm. You can see how there might, indeed, be a problem approaching, on the other Libra hand, it looks like this is already taken care of. Depends on what you want to do with it all. I’m sticking to my lucky lottery win prediction for you guys, though, because, at one time or another, this year holds a giant lucky break for it. And when that happens, the worst thing is going to be you stuck trying to make a decision about whether you want to take advantage of this break or not. The other influences are all kind of minor compared to this one. From careful examination of your chart for the coming year, I know you will get lucky at some point, in a big way. I just hope you remember who told you this first.

Scorpio : There’s this whole “Mars thing” going on what feels like all year in your sign. The Martian effect is exacerbated by the little eclipse pattern which isn’t going to sit too well with my fine Scorpio friends. Before you get upset, though, let me make one little suggestion, borrowing from another part of the sky: Taurus. They have Saturn over there, and that’s playing havoc with them. It’s also giving you a little bit of leverage to get what you want out of the miscreant planets. As the year slowly unfolds, be very aware of the Mars pattern in your chart. It’s going to hit you a little harder than any other sign. And the eclipses in February and August will rattle your teeth a little bit. It’s like me going against a professional linebacker. Maybe that’s not a good analogy after all. I can’t see me making it through that encounter without a few broken parts. Scorpio land will, at some point, feel like the earth is quaking, and the walls are crashing down on your head. But if you look at what a Scorpion can do, with its hard exoskeleton, you know you are a survivor. The whole year is not bleak, and those two eclipse months, August and February can hold a lot of fun. Just remember to use your hard shell to protect yourself. In fact, that shell is better refuge when everything feels like it is crushing you because the other Scorpio defense method is a big, bad stinger. What will happen, about the time it cools off in Texas, in the fall, around the Equinox, the Scorpio will emerge, like a Phoenix, from the ashes of your former self. The last third of the year is nothing but good times. Get ready for the party of the year, the decade, the century. You’re going to be star by then.

Sagittarius : The nice quality about a Sagittarius is the ability to see the big picture. And is this ever a year for looking at the big picture. Most accounting systems that I’m familiar with use a quarterly system. Instead of this way dividing a year into four parts, I prefer the academic method, Spring, Summer and Fall. And, to use this analogy a little further, let me suggest that you take a really light load for the spring semester. My personal favorite was this one class, and I’m sure that just about every undergraduate has taken this class, Human Sexuality. It was either an anthropology class, or maybe a division of the psychology department, but it was essentially a lecture hall filled with giggling students. Or, perhaps, a little “pottery for jocks” is a good choice. You will note that both suggestions are in the area of blow-off humanities classes. In theory, either of these classes will be extremely easy. And with Mars doing his thing in Scorpio, then back into Libra, a large class with a posted curriculum that is ever so easy will be a good idea for you this spring semester. It’s not a good time to tax yourself. Summer vacation should be just that, take it easy. Suddenly, as the Fall term begins, you find yourself in a position where you can meet, match, and master the more difficult classes. If you time it right, this is the best time for you. Jupiter, our benevolent ruler will be back tracking into Aries, then turning around again — just in time for Sagittarius birthdays. The Fall Semester is your best bet for a good finish.

Capricorn : In the older astrological and astronomical material, Saturn was associated with “Chronos,” the main guy in Greek mythology. Or one of the main guys in their pantheon of deities. And Saturn can be good, if you are willing to work. In the real world, most humans seem less than willing to put forth the dearth of effort required to realize a degree of gain, be that spiritual, emotional, or even just plain old monetary. I suggest that this year holds some exciting times for Capricorn, times that no one else has seen before. While it might be a little bit of a downer for some sign, due to the fluctuating influences of the minor planets, two big planets bring in a world of good for Capricorn. One of these planets is Saturn who spends the entire year in Taurus. It makes a triangle type of angle to you, and this is a good thing. Now, to move a little to the west, from the Greeks to the Romans, we encounter another main dude, only his name is Jupiter. And Jupiter is going to play with you for the next year, as well. Jupiter is in Aries for most of the year, and that makers a square to you. So while the one guy is delivering nothing but good news and rewards, the other guy is going to make you a tad bit uncomfortable. I would suggest that this is not the year you are going to actually win the lottery, but it wouldn’t be a bad time to realize a goal of financial stability. And looking at the big picture for your year, this is going to be an unstable time for a lot of folks. It looks like you are ready to jump right in when the chips are down, and it also looks like you are ready to make some good headway in the face of some serious oppostion. The enemies and problems will melt w`away as the year goes by. About the time you find yourself really getting ready for the Year 2000, you’re going to find that a lot of your troubles have eased.

Aquarius : There is a deity someplace, somewhere, and this overlord, god, goddess, whatever you choose to believe in, is having a mighty good laugh at you this year. Personally, I’ve always been amused that Valentine’s Day falls in the last part of Aquarius. Aquarius is a fine sign, one with a great deal of mental energy associated with it. But it’s not without a few drawbacks, too. And one of the biggest challenges in an average Aquarius life is romance. There’s a fallacy in that last statement because no Water Bearer is average. Each one is unique, just like every other Aquarius. But the sign, as whole, is going to get more than it’s fair share of weird stuff tossed at it this year. This is going to be an emotional year for the cool and rational Aquarius. Since it’s also the end of a century, you’re going to find yourself doing a little more inward, soul-searching type of thing than ever before. This sort of behavior might just coincide with the various little planets’ retrograde patterns, that would Mercury, Venus and Mars. To top it all off, next August looks like a time when it will either all come together, or fall apart. How this plays out in your individual chart is up to you, your partner, your new partner, or some sort of relationship that is, following your true nature, somewhat undefined as of yet. Going into the new year you’re sort of glad this mess is all undefined. As the year progresses, it develops an all new form. And yes, with Neptune and Uranus here for the duration, it is the age of Aquarius. Time to “shine on, you crazy diamond,” as the song goes.

Pisces : “I was born in a crossfire hurricane….” begins the song. And that’s what this year will feel like. You’re going to feel like singing a combination of old Delta Blues and working it up with a more modern beat. Being the good Pisces that you are, a drum machine might be in order. By the time this year is over, you will have figured out how to power that machine all by yourself. It’s a good year for examining what your values are, and rather than turn this into some sort of materialistic drivel, I would suggest that the larger issues in your life are demanding your attention this year. It’s a time to consider your p[lace in the world, what you value, and how to get the most out of what you have. Like any good Pisces, I’m sure that you’ve been given some very special gifts. Of these gifts, it is your ability to help people that needs some attention. It’s a good time to consider the old motto, “Do what you love, the money will follow,” but by invoking a self help book title, I might get you off on the wrong track. The idea is to seek what is ideal for you this year. Love, money, fame, or perhaps it’s a pilgrimage to a sacred spot. Graceland, of course, comes to mind immediately. Think about it.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

Don Walser – Down at the Sky Vue Drive In

The evening started with a an almost picture perfect sunset, the golden sun glistening off the waves of the lake as Bubba Sean and I had cigars at a coffee spot on the lake. Really good cigars, A. Fuente 8-5/8’s. Really, really good. The kind of cigar that leaves me with a pleasant buzz, looking at the world like it’s a better place. Top that off with a couple of strong coffee sludge drinks topped with foamy steamed milk, and I was in good condition and high spirits.

Then he dropped me by Threadgill’s so I could catch a light dinner — as if signature chicken friend steak is a light meal — and as soon as I walked in, one of may favorite food serving employees greeted me. It just doesn’t get much better. Or so I thought.

It’s been my intention to actually sit down and listen to a full set by Don Walser and his Pure Texas Band. I’ve heard him in snippets, occasionally on the radio or read about him. For the complete biography, hit his website at www.donwalser.com. I can sum it up in a quick synopsis. He’s been singing country music for a long time. He’s been married to the same woman for 47 years. Happily married, judging by what I saw this evening. Don Walser is a Virgo, too, for what’s it’s worth. There was some dispute about the year, but then I’m only 29 so I understand.

I talked to Don Walser before his set, that’s when I learned he had just celebrated being married for 47 years, “To the same woman.” He gave his wife a pleasant “I love you honey bunny” look.

I had a few questions about country music, real country as opposed to Hot Country which looks an awful lot like rock and roll to me. Sounds like it, and from what I’ve seen of the Country Music videos, it’s merely rock, maybe southern rock, but nonetheless rock with cowboy hats and token fiddle or steel guitar thrown in.

“Country only has one format…” Don started, “rock has three or four formats, maybe more…”

The set started about 7:30, no introduction, just a fiddle, a drum kit, a bass, a pedal steel, and Don on his six string. He introduced the band and the featured pedal player after the first song, and then they got down to business.

This is pure country. It’s not rock. It’s not jazz. It’s plain, simple tunes, and the lyrics are delivered in Don’s silky smooth voice. Then he yodels. Every time he held a note, I would get chills. It’s the most amazing musical “thing” I’ve heard in a long, long time. Maybe forever. He played a song about the Texas Playboys, he played some swing songs. He played old Hank Williams.

“That first note, it’s hauntingly beautiful” the server noticed, “isn’t it?”

It is. It’s that high, almost piercingly beautiful noise called a yodel.

I also like watching people, the folks who listen to this music, and there was pretty diverse crowd. There were a couple of dancers, doing a stately and elegant two step. There was the requisite cowboy hats. There were also kids with spiky hair and black clothes. Don’t be mislead about Texas stereotypes. The music is appealing for the typical Austin crowd, and typical crowd defies normal taxonomy. But the music? It’s Pure Texas, like the band’s name.

The second set opened with a traditional fiddle reel that rocked. I guess that’s the wrong word to use. Maybe my age is showing, but in my distant past, I did grow up on this music. About the time I figured out what it was that I wanted. Then I discovered that this sort of music was too provincial for a cosmopolitan person. Now I’m back at it.

There’s also an ideal, something behind the music that helps strengthen the feeling it imparts. On the cover of the latest Don Walser CD, there’s a picture of two heads and guitar in the front seat of car, looking at the screen of the Sky Vue Drive In. It’s Don and his wife. Watching Don’s eyes throughout the set is amazing because he keeps slow and leisurely pace, looking around at the folks. He seems to be taking it all in, but he sits terribly still. He keeps his mouth just the right distance from the microphone. Amazing control. Of course, every time he gets to touching “I love you lyric” he glances at his wife.

When I was trying to choose which CD to buy this time, I asked his wife if he took her with him, all his time on the road as a musician. From my own experience, being on the road can be hell on a relationship.

“Take me? I do the driving!” was her answer.

I cannot recommend his work high enough. It has the feeling, the guts, of real Texas in it. It’s that old time country music. When he plays some of the swing band era music, there’s no mistaking where the roots are. Right here in Texas. and the yodel? That’s the best part. In person, he can send chills up and down your spine.

12/17/98 (c) Kramer Wetzel

Austin: Top Ten
an experiential guide
1999 version

[back to astrofish.net]

It was T. S. Eliot who might have measured his life by the coffee spoon, but here in Austin, I tend to use a different measure. I’m often asked for a list of place to visit while entertaining visitors. What places are important, what’s a sight that really should be seen, and so forth. It’s hard to be tourist in my own town, but I can hit a few highlights. It’s my version of Austin, Texas.

I’ve long since had a taste for the strange, the different, and the slightly offbeat. These guidelines should reveal what I think is important in town. It’s entirely subjective. I won’t claim any objectivity at all. Where’s the fun in that?

I should point out that it’s possible to hit Amy’s, Sparks, Waterloo and Book People, all in one stop. Same for Maudie’s, New Age Books and Big Bertha. Bookstore, food, shopping. I wonder if there is a pattern here.

Top Ten of Austin List:

• 1. Amy’s Ice Cream — 6th & Lamar — the very best in sugar coated fixes in the world. Nothing is finer. Well, there is one thing that is finer… Ruta Maya’s Amy’s Ice Cream shake. But that’s so close to heaven it ought to be illegal. Amy’s on Sixth, right by Waterloo records, and close to Book People (and close to the flagship store for Whole Foods) is the current favorite. But I also like the one up on Guadalupe. At Amy’s on 6th, you can wander in Sparks, next door for a chance to find a good postcard to send from Austin — ice cream is welcome in Sparks. Then go to Waterloo and buy some Austin Music. Best flavor to come out of Amy’s is the "Mexican Vanilla" — best thing in the world for what ails you. Of course, if you like chocolate, they are ALWAYS able to satisfy, too (I have this from a variety of expert opinions).
• 2. Magnolia South — 1920 South Congress Avenue — this is an all-time, all around favorite. Open 24/7, and with a diverse menu, yes, "all-time, all around" are very good words. There’s a companion store, over on Lake Austin Boulevard, but for some reason, I never did quite get "with it" at the other place. The only drawback to Magnolia is that it’s caught on with more people — darn tourists invading our space. I’ve been in Mag South at various times of the day. Before going on air for a local radio station at 5 in the morning. Coming back from a concert at 4 in the morning. Right after the music shuts down at 2 in the morning. Coming home from a girlfriend’s house at 6 in the morning, for breakfast, from 7 to 11 in the morning, lunch at the usual time. Even dinner on occasion. The late night menu, gets a special "thumbs up" because it’s the perfect sort of weirdness you would expect at a place with a dinosaur hanging in the dining room. Tattoos, earring, piercings, dreadlocks, the whole gambit of attire is there to see. And there are the patrons. It is frequented by famous musicians. Ask for Jeff. Best thing on the menu: Gingerbread pancakes. No, the best thing is "Mag Mud" a queso dish. No, it’s their Migas, no it’s the pasta, no it’s the salads, no it’s the entrees, no it’s the breakfast tacos, no it’s the fish tacos….
• 3.Ruta Maya — 4th & Lavaca — In this day an age when there’s a corporate cappuccino machine on every corner, it’s nice to relax in place that’s definitely not corporate. The clientele range from students to street people to executives. The coffee is the best in town, 11 months out of the year. Of course, around the corner at Starbucks, they have Eggnog Latte during the holiday season, but the rest of the time Ruta Maya is the best coffee. Some of the local grocery stores carry their coffee in the burlap bags. It’s a folksy, poetry reading warehouse. Literally. With a roaster at one end, and little tobacco shop with marginal humidor tucked away to one side, it’s still the best of all worlds. From a cool respite in the hot summer months to warm retreat on cold winter nights, it’s the best of places, and with its politically correct coffee, it’s still the best. Politically correct coffee? "100% of the moneys for the coffee beans we buy goes to the indigenous growers in Chiapas, Nicaragua and so forth, not like some companies where to grower gets about 10%."
• 4. Threadgill’s World Headquarters — Barton Springs & Riverside — The best chicken fried steak I ever had was not at Threadgill’s. It was a truckstop north of Belton, a place called "Peel’s" (and worth the weight). But if you sidestep the signature Chicken Fried Steak, and skip the so-so "fried green tomatoes," you will find that vegetables are excellent, the fried chicken livers are heavenly, and whatever the special of the day is, that works out pretty good. The staff is friendly, efficient, and in the afternoon, you stand a good chance of running into Eddie Wilson himself, the friendly proprietor. He’s a Scorpio, just like my Mother. And even my Mother has found the greens at Threadgill’s "are better than mine." There’s a plus, on most evenings, there’s a strange brew of music in the backroom. It has certainly become on my favorite venues to hear Don Walser. Frequented by famous people. The original location is up on North Lamar, but it’s too far for my tastes. Hard to miss, though, it used to be a gas station. "But don’t bring your American Express — they don’t take it."
• 5.Texas Coffee Traders — 411 W. Monroe — Cool coffee warehouse. I don’t mean like a place where you hang out like Ruta Maya, but a real coffee warehouse. They do know the difference between Kona Blend and real Kona Bud coffee.
• 6. Rosita’s Al Pastor — East Riverside — Step on over to the East Side, it’s not very deep into South East Austin, and it’s a good example of the fine food purveyed here. Don’t expect much in English. This is where I had a terrible experience, I had been conversing in my street Spanish with the waitress, and she came back with some more food, asked me a question, and I responded in flawless French. I realize it’s the advantages of a Liberal Arts degree, but she just thought I was another crazy white guy. At least, that’s what I figured. But the food is good — get anything that’s got the Al Pastor stuff in it. It’s a slow roasted pork that’s real tasty. Make sure you try the green salsa they offer, and there is a David Byrne/Selena duet available on the jukebox. Closest thing you’ll find the an English title.
• 7. Jo’s — 1300 South Congress Avenue — South Congress finally has a coffee stop. It’s a little diner looking stand that seems lonely all by itself. Rumor on the street is that it’s somehow attached through corporate families to the renovated motel next door [opening soon]. It’s too soon to say for sure, but I do know that anytime I stop by Jo’s for a cup on the walk home, I hit the word processor will full force and wax eloquent about something. Could be the relative strength of the coffee or it could be the location, or it could because it’s so close to the South Austin Bermuda Triangle.
• 8. Big Bertha’s Bargain Basement — 1050 South Lamar — Shop. Stuff, lots of stuff. If you are looking for the best outfits culled from sources around the world, and some of the local garage sales, this is the place. It’s the shop where I acquired my finest piece of black velvet artwork. The store owner should be famous for once telling me, "You can never have too many nudes in your living room." Words to live by.
• 9. New Age Books — 1006 South Lamar — this is one of the places that endeared me to Austin in the first place. It’s a New Age bookstore, only, it’s been around since long before new Age was hip. Weird little storefront on South Lamar, right in the middle between Big Bertha and Maudie’s. The shopkeepers — Gemini and Virgo — have sincere interest in spiritual matters and that makes the difference here. Support your local small, family operated bookstore. Besides, this place doesn’t usually have best sellers, just the stuff that popular with my crowd. Pick an esoteric topic, and they have a section for it.
• 10. Austin’s Bermuda Triangle — It will suck you in, one day. I was giving directions on how to meet me at the bookstore for a reading, and I realized that just about all out of town visitors get tangled up in the directions, once they hit this area. It’s Barton Springs, Riverside, the River, Town Lake, the First Avenues, Congress. Someplace in there. You will get lost. Of course, since it covers less than a full city block, you ain’t going to be lost for long. But it will get you, our secret little place where even natives get lost. I wonder if there’s a coincidence that Threadgill’s is so close at hand?

[back to astrofish.net]

Other Austin perennial favorites:

• Guero’s — Oltorf — Excellent cuisine. Of course, it’s Tex-Mex. What were you thinking? Nice, south Austin location, too. But good food. Make sure you try their Green Sauce.
• El Sol y La Luna — South Lamar — Attached to the Austin Motel. Hotel. Whatever. Excellent food. Not your Tex-Mex variety. Frequented by famous musicians.
• Maudie’s Too — South Lamar — advertised as Tex-Mex Heaven, that is partially true. It’s plain and simple fare served with courtesy. It dependable, fast, and certainly ranks as some of the typical good Tex-Mex that is a dietary staple here. I’ve started eating there whenever I have to work at the bookstore. There are several restaurants in the area, but I’ve found that Maudie’s has a special flavor, and it is always good.
• Various Shops on South Congress — the quality varies from outright junk to some high quality artwork. There’s been a gradual "greening" of this area. What was once run down is now pretty cool stuff. On a nice afternoon, it’s a great place to pick up trinkets from Austin. Rubbish to rubies, we got it all.
• Pho Cong Ly — Man cannot subsist on Tex-Mex alone. There must be some Asian food, too. The first Cong Ly I went to was up in north Austin, and I found it was the freshest and best of all the noodle shops. There’s a new one down south here, and it’s the same menu, and the food is just as good. Better, in fact, because I don’t have to go so far from home in order to enjoy a good bowl of, well, whatever those animal parts are, it’s delicious. Some things are better not known.
• Mozart’s Coffee — 3825 Lake Austin Blvd. — which is the perfect place to wait while you’re on the list to eat at the Hula Hut. Bubba and I found this place was a more than acceptable coffee stop especially since there are a number of outdoor tables which are cigar friendly. On those not – so – rare days when you want to be outside with a fine cigar and glass of chocolate milk, or a cup of high-powered java, this is the place. Or one of them, anyway. The coffee isn’t that great, but they have started roasting their own beans so it’s taken a step up, although I don’t find the coffee itself as good as Ruta Maya. The desserts also rock, according to my chocolate experts. Try a "Death by chocolate" for the sweet tooth craving. Bubba assures me it goes well with a Dominican cigar.
• Hula Hut — This place acquired a slight taint to its reputation because it got famous, as in the "the" place for a little while. It’s on the lake, and dining on the pier is one of the place I always try to take visitors. Where else can you enjoy Tex-Mex – Polynesian food? "Right, a pu-pu platter with some nachos?" asked one visitor. Whatever it was he joked about was actually on the menu.
• The Flight Path — Way far north, and named because it’s in the flight path of the present airport, it’s actually a quiet place with interesting choices in artwork.
• 6th Street [in general] — make sure you check out who is playing at Babe’s on 6th and the Black Cat Lounge. Stop by Bobalu’s for a cigar. I recommend the "Texas Draw" because it’s a good cigar for the price, I think it’s Honduran.
• Driskill Hotel — we spent Bubba’s 25th birthday up in a room with a balcony, hurling ice cubes at the street below. Wait, that wasn’t us, the statue of limitations ain’t run out yet.
• Little City Coffee — Good coffee shop. Certainly a better alternative to Starbucks which is about half a block away. Excellent atmosphere.
• Congress Avenue Booksellers — Cool bookstore, about half a block south of the state capital.
• Kerby Lane, especially the south Lamar location — The original location has more taste and looks nicer, but it’s always busy. The South Lamar place looks like a plain cafeteria or whatever on the outside. The food is uniformly really good. They maintain some sort of a farm deal where they grow their own tomatoes, or something like that. I never did read all the PR on it. But the food is good, service is what you would expect in South Austin, and they have the second best Gingerbread Pancakes in the world.
• Antone’s — The legend lives on. Excellent live music venue, right up the street from Ruta Maya.
• Waterloo Records — 600-A North Lamar — They stock a lot of local music, it’s a big enough store, and it’s not really a chain.
• Book People — This used to be a really cool bookstore., And even though it’s not a chain store, it has taken the feeling of a chain store. They do offer signing and other author promotions which are nice. And it is a huge store with a vast selection. And a coffee shop in one corner of the ground floor. Still, it’s not the "A" List but it’s listed.
• State Capitol Building — made from, uh-mmm, some sort of cool pink granite or something, mined by convicts, I think. So? So my history is a little rough. Just because the building is less than a mile away doesn’t mean that I’ve been there that much — I took the nickel tour when Ma Wetzel was inducted into the Texas Women’s Hall of Fame. But it is a cool place to take a tourist. And it is taller than the capital building in Washington.
• Bobalu Cigar Co. — 6th Street — Looking for a Macenudo? Won’t find it here. Bobalu imports their own cigars and even raw tobacco, from the usual sources. They do offer a smoke friendly environment. And what better place to sit and watch the best floor show in town, the crowds on Sixth Street while enjoying a fine cigar and some nice beverage? Works for me.
• Congress Avenue Bridge — Since I can see part of the bridge (well, almost) from my patio, I don’t actually hang out here too often. But is a good place when the bats are in season — Mexican Free Tail Bats, I believe, who are here usually March to October, and the best bat times are in the late summer because the colony is at its largest then. Watching the stream of bats head off at sunset for a night of eating bugs is a strange sight. Imagine about a bazillion of the critters taking to wing as the sun sets picturesquely to your back. I can watch them from my patio, and it’s an awesome sight, on a summer evening.
• Town Lake Hike and Bike Trail — I discovered this after living on the edge of the Eastern Branch of this trail for over a year. It was about a four mile loop to walk the Eastern Branch which winds down to the Longhorn Dam, which makes Town Lake, then the trail heads up to I-35. The Eastern loop winds by some old East Austin neighborhoods, and the trail far more open on this side of the freeway. It’s a much better route, in my eyes. There is also more wildlife around on this side. Scenic stops long the way include the dam itself and the Holly Street Power Plant. The route that most people do starts at I-35 and heads west to MoPac where there is a pedestrian bridge under the freeway, just for us walkers, runners, joggers and the dreaded sport bicyclists. Then it winds back, skirting the shore of the river until it hits Barton Creek. On hot summer days, the leafy foliage of the Western branch makes it a cooler walk because a lot of the trail is out of the direct sun. I just never did understand why I encountered more females wearing makeup and perfume on the Western Loop. Natural wildlife visible includes those little rat like looking guys who swim around in the lake at night, swans, various ducks, geese, I guess, turtles, snakes (small and harmless) and a few heron.

Kramer’s Fishing Guide to the Stars

Fishing for Love Guide

By Kramer Wetzel

“If the young dace be bait for the old pike, I see no reason in the law of nature but I may snap at him.”

Falstaff in Shakespeare’s 2nd part of King Henry IV (III.ii.358- 60)

Like Falstaff, some bait just follows nature’s call. Figure out what sign is most prominent in your target’s chart, and then look up what kind of bait you think you might find most effective — using the right bait can always help you land your favorite fish.

Bait — For the less fishing-tackle-aware, these are actual lures and supplies in my tackle box except for the Pisces one; that’s an earring.

ARIES:
Live shad — see, an Aries fish needs something that wiggles, and let’s face facts, in some cases, and Aries is just such a case, no artificial bait can replace that special movement you can only get with a live one. For the non-technical folks, we call it action. Aries needs action, activity, and agility in order to get caught. Nothing works better than live shad for big redfish.

TAURUS:
Get one of those special Craw Dad plastic things — the newer plastic jobs which have a special, garlic smell embedded in the plastic. Works great. I know, you might find the authentic ~feeling~ of the plastic a little slimy, but to catch a Taurus, you need something that looks real, feels real, and, most important, tastes good. And that garlic flavor-bacon bait has the taste that a Taurus Bass will crave.

GEMINI:
Jointed Minnow — Nothing works better on the Gemini than a super- long, jointed-minnow. It’s pretty much a top water lure, and the Gemini needs some flexibility. So a lure with some flexibility is needed to make the Gemini happy. But unlike the plastic jobs which are way too ~flexible~, the jointed minnow lure is big enough to present the Gemini with a challenge, and it offers enough rigidity that the Gemini will surely stay hooked.

CANCER:
Bacon strips — Nothing works better for catching a Cancer than food. And what could be a more tasty bait than a nice, decent bacon strip? In fact, a bacon strip which is double-hooked works even better. The only other thing I’ve seen work on Cancer is a little fish which looks like a minnow, but seems to be a major ingredient in Caesar Salad and compliments Pineapple on pizza. Be forewarned, not every one likes them little fish. I’d stick to the Bacon, myself.

LEO:
Live Bait with a spinner — Nothing works better for catching a fixed fire sign fish than Live Bait. Worms, minnows, or even some traditional Japanese cuisine, I hope you get the idea. Live bait has an aura of adventure about it. It’s hard to get them little wigglers onto the hook, if you know what I mean. And that’s the only thing that will really ever catch a Leo’s attention, something that seems to be an adventure.

VIRGO:
Crappie Spin — “It isn’t just for Crappie; Smallmouth love it too!” This is a special lure, designed just for Crappie, but guess what? Smallmouth love it, too. And that’s why it works for Virgo fish: the utilitarian nature of this lure will always attract that ever so practical, but mutable, Virgo. It’s a perfect fit. Besides, just about every Virgo has a taste for the unusual — that’s why this dual purpose bait works so well.

LIBRA:
Minnow with 3-D eyes — This is going to come as a bit of a surprise, but the Libra target fish needs to feel like its bait has soul. And what better way to show soul with the eyes, those little things poets call windows to the soul? When you select a lure for a Libra, be extra careful about color combinations, too. Avoid garish and tacky colors, tending towards delicate shades of blue with silver or golden sales. And eyes, nice eyes, realistic, 3-D eyes.

SCORPIO:
Sneaky Snake — I’ll tell you a secret about how to catch a Scorpio, I mean, there’s one thing that works best, but I don’t want you to get paranoid, since it is the secret Scorpio ingredient, and keeping it a secret is no conspiracy. That’s why the Sneaky Snake works so well on the Scorpio Bass. It’s the allure of secrecy and mystery that catches that Scorpio attention. Just don’t tell the Scorpio that this is a traditional lure for Scorpio’s.

SAGITTARIUS:
Baby Trout — No commitment, non-recourse spicy food in a foreign land. Or BBQ at Black’s in Lockhart. Either way, the baby trout lure works. Offer that Sagittarius fish something that looks different. In fact, some of the biggest bass in Texas have been caught on this lure. So it’s BBQ or baby trout, but something with a little bit of spice helps because it’s always easy to hook a Sagittarius fish, but getting that trophy into the net and on the stringer is a bigger challenge. Sag fish are frequently called, “the one that got away.”

CAPRICORN:
Muskie Lure, the Chub Sucker — Despite the name, the Chub Sucker is a stalwart and dependable attraction for a Capricorn fishie. Its design comes from a long line of ancient lures, and it is very popular in vintage fishing tackle collections. The true beauty of this timely design is the new fangled edition of super-conducting noisemaker spoon bill. It’s that little flair of excitement which is added to a time-proven lure. Classic lines with a modern update. That’s what will always hook a Cap.

AQUARIUS:
Rattlin’ Rogue — this is a super duper, time tested lure that works better than anything else. Besides, with a name like Rogue, you know that there is something special about this lure which will definitely catch your fish. Besides, the Aquarius fish is always drawn towards a roguish display of humors, as some would say. And the top water action of this lure is bound to attract the eye, and the mind, of the Aquarius. And if you catch there eye and mind, then you’ve got an Aquarius, hook line and sinker.

PISCES:
Mystic Zara Spook — This lure combines the best of all possible combinations for cooking a marvelous trophy-sized Pisces. In order to land this Pisces lunker, a Zara Spook which is just mysterious enough to work. Since this is derived from a classic lure with two hooks, you can be sure that your slippery Pisces stays hooked. Just about any bait will attract a Pisces, but it sometimes takes two hooks to hold them on the line. Of course, the Zara Pooch lures also make excellent earrings.

(c) Kramer Wetzel
Laete cenaremus quos nos subigant

To: ben@dallasnews.com
From :FGSKramer@AOL.COM (Kramer Wetzel)
Subject: Elvis Yearly Outlook
Elvis through the year
Special to Astronet, (c) Kramer Wetzel, 1997, 1998.
January 1998
This is going to be an odd year for the King, who celebrates another birthday January 8. Yepper, Elvis is a Capricorn. one of those wacky yet powerful Cardinal signs. Capricorn’s ruling planet, Saturn, will spend the first half of this year making a less-than-wonderful angle to all Cardinal signs. Saturn isn’t always bad, it just orbits that way. Soon, Saturn is moving direct on a fast track outta here. Elvis feels this effect. He’s getting a square from Saturn a little later, and it’s making him squirm. He needs to examine his record contracts and make sure everything is OK with the colonel. We can all practice this month by saying “Thank you,thank you vurrry much.” The Young Elvis trapped inside all of us needs to remember our humble roots in Tupelo. Speaking of which, if you are of noble, southern extraction, then it’s a good month for cheese grits or chicken-ried steak. Perhaps a pilgrimage to points south would help. Remember to pause when approaching a Trailer Park during the King’s birthday month.

February 1998
Elvis has a Pisces Moon at an early degree of Pisces. During the early part of February, Jupiter will make contact with Pisces, much like Elvis has made contact with certain customer service representatives of convenience stores around the country. In dusty old Astrology books, Jupiter rules Pisces. What’s that mean? I don’t really know. I just know that it means something good is about to happen. All that dust kicked up for the King in January about talk of contracts and stuff has begun to settle and a big payoff is near. That means Pisces Sun Signs or, in the case of Elvis, Pisces Moon Signs. It’s a time when things at the Trailer Park of Life seem calm. Things around Graceland will be pleasant this month, thanks to a pairing of Jupiter and Pisces. Looks good, feels good. Well, Mars will stir things up, but I’ll bet it’s a good month for the King to hang out at the homestead and go through old boxes of rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuits. A good rule of thumb: If you haven’t worn that rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuit at least once in the past year, sell it a garage sale. It’s a short month, and the King needs a break from his adventures on the road. The end of February brings an eclipse, and Elvis can’t afford another pesky press sighting. Besides, the makers of the “X-Files” and “America’s Most Wanted” are reportedly hot on his trail.

March 1998
A soothsayer warned Caesar of the Ides of March. The same type of person needs to warn Elvis about the time between eclipses. Odds are good that we’ll hear of several Elvis Sightings during this time. Will it be “Elvis seen at Snuffer’s seen stuffing cheese fries into his face”? or “Elvis may sign with the Cowboys”? You know what? Each scenario could be true. The eclipse is when the hidden is revealed, and what could be more revealing than big sideburns and a characteristic “Thank You” from an innocuous convenience store clerk, who, for all the world, looks just like a really familiar, albeit slightly aged, version of his former self. Locations for these sightings will be varied, but look for sightings in the Midwest because it’s the easiest place to escape to. After the media hype subsides, things return to normal or back to “Taking Care of Business” as the King would say.

April 1998
April is good to the King. It brings a new love. Looks like the relationship started awhile back, but things are going pretty darn well by now. There’s always that cliche about what happens to a young man’s thoughts in the spring, but let’s face some facts: Young Elvis is gone. However, Mars in Aries opposes his natal Mars, which means excitement. For the rest of us, Mars goes into Taurus in mid-April, which will heat up the sensual side of the spring. So whether you’re Elvis, or an Elvis impersonator, it’s an idyllic time. Mercury is retrograde for most of April but by now, you’re used to that and you know the drill. If not, you’ll know the time has come when you hear of flagrantly fallacious sightings. Remember, it’s just the pesky planets this time, not the pesky press. The King will weather this. At least he listens to his astrologer.

June 1998
Since it’s Gemini for most of the month, perhaps the dual nature of young and old Elvis can be examined. It was Young Elvis who invented rock ‘n roll. Young Elvis, slim and fit, fought his way to topple the established hegemony of the record business, touring West Texas in the back of a truck. Now established, the young rebel becomes older and more mature in the glittering white-hot spotlight of Las Vegas. Bring the two images together. Now imagine a tabloid picture of old Elvis, the one who now walks on the Earth. It’s the juxtaposition of our youth, that which we mourn and haphazardly strive for versus the reality of what we are: older, out of shape and facing angioplasty. This mental imaging can be a good exercise. If you don’t have enough Gemini in your chart, get it reworked. Tune-ups are available. See your astrologer for details.

July, 1998
It’s a predominately Cancer month, and Cancer is the opposite of the Elvis chart. Therein lies the problem: Cancers can be a moody lot. Not all, mind you; Bubba ain’t moody. Occasionally pensive and sometimes seen weeping when he hears old Mr. Mister songs from the ’80s, but he’s never moody. With the Cancer chart for this year, we are at an astrological half-way point. At this point of the summer, when it’s hot and sticky, I don’t know, I don’t care, whatever… Me and Elvis, we’re going to the beach. Nothing like a dip in the warm Gulf to wake up, then cool off in the shade and sip a lovely iced beverage. Later this month, Mars swoops into Cancer, heating things up one last time for the poor, impoverished Cardinal signs. Mars is like the hot babe who comes roaring in on the Harley, stirring up everything in her wake. For Elvis, this is the marriage thing again, revisited. It’s like a second honeymoon. The trick with Martian energy is to be careful. Elvis will be highly “agitato” this month. Don’t let this get to you, too.

August 1998
Early August brings another dreaded mercury Retrograde. Not a bad thing, actually, because the Sun Sign is the bucolic Leo. It might even be a colicky Leo, with all the Mercury stuff stopping, slowing down, turning around, and trying to follow what Mercury. It’s enough to make anyone car sick. Elvis is probably traveling this month. He needs to get away from prying eyes. He’s certainly getting secret communications from an ex-wife. I wonder which one? You can never be too sure what Mercury will bring. There’s an Eclipse cycle, too. Talk about fun things astrological! Best of all, it’s the un-official but widely celebrated, Day of the Elvis Dead. What more can you ask for in a month?

September 1998
September will be like a birthday month for the King — the Sun crosses his mid-heaven this month — since Elvis has a perfect Mid-Heaven in Virgo. This is like a real birthday: Good stuff that’s supposed to happen does. A perfect child might be born now; remember that Elvis was thinking about marriage awhile back? Now he might be having a baby. Of course, this will be all done at a top-secret military base, so none of this information will ever leak out. For the rest of us, Mars is still in Virgo, and the Equinox brings Libra, forcing Elvis to make adjustments in his lifestyle now that there’s a new baby in the house. The good news is that, like all Capricorns, he’s become a better parent. Maybe you CAN teach an old hound dog new tricks.

October 1998
Jupiter spends about three months of the year in apparent retrograde motion. For some,this sucks because projects are put on hold, and we’re all stuck listening to elevator versions of old Loverboy songs. Good tip: One company hired a comedian to do its “hold” interlude. Jupiter retrograde won’t hit the King too hard because he’s got Jupiter in his natal chart. Looks like the record company is set to release a new gift set. Where else but America can you take old Delta Blues and mix it with Hillbilly twang and get rock ‘n roll? Speaking of roots, I must remember to send my Scorpio Mom a birthday card (Scorpio comes late this month). And, throughout the whole month of October, because Elvis has Scorpio in most of his 11th House, we’re all going to be thinking about him.

November 1998
November brings yet another Mercury Retrograde. About the time Mercury gets right, so does Jupiter. Things are fixin’ to be turbulent, and Elvis will be called into secret negotiations with top government officials. The catch: it will all be about Space Aliens. There’s a strong suggestion, during the tail end of the retrograde period, that Area 51 will play an important part of what is going on. Just looking at the charts, I’d wager that Elvis has made quite an impact outside our solar system. I know Mercury is Retrograde but that just goes to show: You can never tell what will crop up from the past when these things hit. Apparently, the Aliens want to talk the King. And to make this message clear, look for a crop circle cut in the shape of the trademark Elvis lightning bolt.

December 1998
December brings a unique event in the life of Elvis and his chart: The Sun crosses his Ascendant. Then it lands back in the First House. This closes the year for Elvis. He’s gotten married, made a baby, carried on high-level, top-secret discussions with planetary officials and watched as his popularity has soared even higher. Amazing. Wonder what’s up for next year?

As always, I beg to remain, your humble servant-
Kramer Wetzel
Astrology Home Buoy->
http://www.io.com/~fgs
Vincit qui primum gerit
sent from an Apple Newton MP2K

Alaska
To: BenBubba@aol.com
From: FGSKramer@aol.com
Subject: Alaska & Mercury

I have finally seen something bigger than Texas.

Tickets, agreements, contracts, and strange connection between the Alaska wilderness and Texas.

The Alaska trip got started when I got some email from a person living in Alaska and wondering what it would take to get me up there. To carry the conversation further, this particular person was, indeed, a former Austin resident with deep ties into our Texas cultural heritage. Her grand daddy was the famous cowboy boot maker, Charlie Dunn. And if that reference doesn’t mean anything, try listening to Jerry Jeff Walker sometime; he has a ballad about Charlie.

By the time I got to the Anchorage airport, I saw a lot more cargo planes than people planes. Seemed like cargo outnumbered people two to one. The flight from Anchorage (which is 15 minutes South of Alaska, according to the denizens) offered beautiful and really breathtaking scenery. The clear day had an awesome view of Mt. McKinley with the plane was jet passing the 20,000 foot mark, according to the pilot, and we were about even with the summit.

I might add, however, the mountain is flanked by at least two glaciers. (Bubba, a glacier is a river that never thaws–solid ice, remember that college earth science lab?) As a kid, I dreamed about climbing those mountains, these days, I’m real happy just to be flying over them.

My first evening in Fairbanks, I encountered some strange sights. It was like a scene from some sort of surreal theater, perhaps something dreamed up by a post modern playwright, possibly from the Russian schools, a snowplow with a dirt bike: there was a pickup truck with a snowplow on the front and a dirt bike in the bed.

Impressions of Fairbanks? That’s easy. It reminded me, on that first arrival of New Mexico. Not the present NM, but the way it was 25 years ago. And that frontier/pioneer “us against the odds” spirit is very prevalent, even in so-called “modern Alaska”.

I was at a radio station the first morning, two in fact, for radio spots and interviews. The station is right in the middle of town, in as much as there is any kind of center to town. One of the jocks was wearing a T-shirt and shorts. Seems it was spring time to him. Glen was rejoicing in the warm weather. Dirty snow drifts were outside, the roofs were still covered with snow, and some trucks still had snow plows attached to the front bumpers — maybe it’s me, I just didn’t feel like shorts were in order yet. Of course, that just might just be my take on the situation. Glen was the first person wearing shorts that day. He wasn’t the last. And if your ever in Fairbanks, listen to Glen in the morning. I know sport a WOLF radio bumper sticker on my PowerBook. But to really fit in, I guess I need a “protected by Smith and Wesson” sticker, too.

One evening, I got a rare treat: the Northern Lights. I got an email from my Dad a few days prior, alerting me to the fact that there had been a solar flare which would translate into spectacular Northern Lights. Pa Wetzel was right again! On the way back from the club that night, late at night, we stopped the truck because the lights were so fantastic.

One of my hosts related a short tale about a near car wreck the first time she had been exposed to the sight. “Almost ran off the road,” she was relating, as she pulled the truck over to the side of the narrow road. There was dirty old snow piled high on the edge roadway, a gentle but frigid breeze stirring the tops of the trees, and giant arc of light stretching from one side to the other.

“Wow, a full arc, that’s rare,” my host pointed out.

I’ve heard the Northern Lights crackle once, but that was a long time ago. And having never been this far north, I’ve never been exposed to the Lights this close. They took up almost half the sky at one point. Like a full rainbow, only, this one metamorphosed into curtain-like shapes and long streamers which stretched halfway around the sky.

If I were into reading folk omens and home-spun portents, instead of astrology, there would be something highly significant about the Northern Lights that I saw because over in the west, about even with the Gemini Moon, there was that smudge of a stellar fingerprint in the sky, the Hale-Bopp Comet. The moon, the Northern Lights, and the comet appearing within the western edge of the giant arc of light, must be portentous of something, something good is coming.

We took a day off from a busy schedule to go up the “haul road” towards the Arctic Circle.

“Next services 118 miles” is what the sign said. Birch, fir, aspen, and winters’s russet colors made up the foliage along the highway.

It’s certainly the furthest north I’ve ever been. The Arctic Circle is a band at the top of our planet. Everything North of it is cold.

I began to worry at some of the signs we came to: “Pavement Ends” (always reassuring).

“Just how far are going?” was my question. I’ve got to quite taking these trips on blind faith.

“Yukon River 112 Miles” read one sign. “Welcome to Joy Alaska” seemed like the next one. I’ve been in some small towns before, but “Joy” with its single building might qualify as the smallest town I’ve ever been through.

At this point, I had been riding in the truck for a while, looking at the map for a while, and this dirt track we were on is marked as a state highway. In case I was wondering about it, the next sign confirmed my fears: “speed limit 50 next 416 miles”

We stopped for some lunch at Yukon Crossing which is 125 miles NORTH of Fairbanks. And we still weren’t all the way to our destination. One of the more bizarre signs we encountered was “road closes for aircraft” which meant there was small landing strip incorporated into this section of the highway. There’s a gate, just like a railroad crossing gate, and that’s how drivers know when to yield to aircraft….

Perhaps one of the strangest occurrences was what the cook at Yukon Crossing was reading, Tacticus. The discussion with the cook centered on what translators were best for Greek history. In the middle of the Arctic country which, for all its beauty, is still plenty bleak. Check out those classic scholars.

Back down in Fairbanks, just up on the hillside, sort of north of town, there’s (locally) famous truck stop diner kind of place called, aptly enough, “Hilltop”. One of the finer members of the local counter culture establishment offered to escort me there.

You know you’re going into a good place when the sign outside reads: Caution – falling snow and ice.

“What kind of ice cream you got?”

“White.”

“Vanilla?” I asked.

“White.”

While I was working in the hotel in Fairbanks, doing my readings, really reminded me of a motel in San Angelo. No, it wasn’t so much the physical description of the place, but rather a feeling I had. There was series of motels in the early 1950’s which were all constructed with a an atrium of sorts, and these hotels dot the West Texas landscape. There’s one in Lubbock, one in Midland, and one in San Angelo. The one in San Angelo has been a Howard Johnson, an independent, and some other brand name that I can’t remember. The one in Midland is a Holiday Inn, surely one of the flagships of the hotel trade in West Texas. They all have this little area which offers miniature golf.

It’s the one in San Angelo that I kept getting an image of, along the banks of the Concho River. I haven’t been there in over a year now, so I can’t say for sure what it’s like now, but I kept getting a visual, emotional echo of the place whenever I wandered around the halls the hotel in Fairbanks. Something oddly familiar there. I kept expecting Robert Service to pop out any minute.

During dinner one night with Robert and friends, I found out that the population of Alaska is roughly a half million.

In other words, the state has half the number of people that Austin has, give or take a few hundred.

“Does that number include bears?” I asked.

My final scene from me in Alaska was in the parking lot of the bar, just across the highway from the airport. When I went into the place, the sign across the street said, “Time, 9:50 PM, Temperature, 22 degrees.” After dinner, we were all standing around, giving our respective good byes, and I looked at Robert, wearing only khaki pants and a t-shirt, telling me casually what a warm night it was. I was freezing. I had on long underwear, a t-shirt, sweater, flannel shirt, vest, heavy coat, wool socks and boots. The parking lot was frozen mud. Snow was still heaped four feet high around the edge of the parking area. I was shivering. The sign said, “Time, 10:58 PM, temperature, 18 degrees.”

Through my chattering teeth, I was begging them to get in the truck and turn on the heater. Robert was merely holding forth about how “spring-like” the weather was. Sure. Sure thing. Just get that heater cranked up NOW.

Kramer Wetzel
Astrology Home Buoy->
http://www.io.com/~fgs
Totus mundus agit histrionem

---

back
on the road

Date: Mon, 18 Nov 1996 12:31:36
-14:00
From: KramerW@aol.com
To: benbubba@aol.com
Subject: Fishing for Pisces in Austin

MUSTANG ISLAND, TEXAS:
“I feel a hot wind on my shoulder
And the touch of a world that is older….”
(Mexican Radio performed by Wall of Voodoo, written by Marc Moreland and Stanard Ridgeway, I.R.S. Records, 1982)

It’s mid-November, a little before noon on the beach at Mustang Island State Park. AOL/AstroNet wants a "year in review" and I’m sitting in the early winter Texas sun worrying about the deadline.

The Aquarius Moon has brought a really choice high tide and on the rocky point, there’s a surf contest – real waves, not Internet surfing – yes, Bubba, Texans can surf. In fact, the waves are really tasty today. I watched the usual assortment of surf punks show up, long hair, no hair, tattoos, girls in bikinis, and an old station wagon piled with boards.

I covered lots of back roads this last year, Bubba. Compare the lush surf today with the high desert of El Paso, the achingly stark openness of the Panhandle around Lubbock. The lush green hills of Arkansas come to mind, as well, which look like mountains when you’re working in Midland, Texas.

Been a long year so far.

I’ve lugged my trusty old PowerBook back and forth doing readings and answering email from my far flung locations. Flying in from England, last January, I was writing a quick fax on my Newton, and the businessman sitting next to me started to ask questions. As soon as he found out I was a professional astrologer, he quickly shut up. But two more passengers started asking questions – and one of them was a regular reader on the Web. Small world, this electronic village.

Astrology: I lecture about it, teach it, do about a bazillion readings, and I write daily/weekly/monthly columns. There are days, though, I must confess, when I seriously doubt my craft. For a poet, this is "the long dark night of the soul." In the last year, however, I’ve gotten those "not too subtle" reminders that astrology, whether I believe it or not, works. One example comes from all the early degree Sagittarius clients {11/22 – 12/1}. They all seem to be feeling the transformation coming from Pluto, exacerbated by Uranus in Aquarius. My clients and faithful readers prove to me, time and again, this astrology stuff WORKS!

Saturn in Aries is also lending solid proof, too, as the business demands on my time increase. Saturn frequently seems to represent that ugly word "work." That’s why I’m writing, here on the beach. Wish I had the time and a surf board today.

What’s coming up for 1997? Astrologically? 1997 starts with Mercury retrograde, then Jupiter hits Neptune and the world sees dreams shattered. But shortly after that, Mercury goes direct and Jupiter lines up with Uranus. It may start slow, but by February, the promise of the New Year hits full stride. 1997 will rock your world, you can trust me on that one. This 1996 year was about getting ready—are you?

As I was getting ready to pull out of the park, I noticed a real ranch pickup truck, I could tell that it was from a working ranch by the racks and general condition of the vehicle (you don’t live here without learning about trucks and recognizing hay bales and straw), and these two real cowboy ranch hands had surfboards sticking out the back of the truck bed. Better get used to it, 1997 is going to be year full of surprises.

Kramer Wetzel
Sent from a Newton via Aloha 2.3.4

back on the road

A GLIMPSE INTO 1997

Date: Mon, 18 Nov 1996 12:31:36 -14:00
From: KramerW@aol.com
To: benbubba@aol.com
Subject: FIshing for Pisces in Austin

MUSTANG ISLAND, TEXAS:
“I feel a hot wind on my shoulder
And the touch of a world that is older….”

(Mexican Radio performed by Wall of Voodoo, written by Marc Moreland and Stanard Ridgeway, I.R.S. Records, 1982)

It’s mid-November, a little before noon on the beach at Mustang Island State Park. AOL/AstroNet wants a “year in review” and I’m sitting in the early winter Texas sun worrying about the deadline.

The Aquarius Moon has brought a really choice high tide and on the rocky point, there’s a surf contest – real waves, not Internet surfing – yes, Bubba, Texans can surf. In fact, the waves are really tasty today. I watched the usual assortment of surf punks show up, long hair, no hair, tattoos, girls in bikinis, and an old station wagon piled with boards.

I covered lots of back roads this last year, Bubba. Compare the lush surf today with the high desert of El Paso, the achingly stark openness of the Panhandle around Lubbock. The lush green hills of Arkansas come to mind, as well, which look like mountains when you’re working in Midland, Texas.

Been a long year so far.

I’ve lugged my trusty old PowerBook back and forth doing readings and answering email from my far flung locations. Flying in from England, last January, I was writing a quick fax on my Newton, and the businessman sitting next to me started to ask questions. As soon as he found out I was a professional astrologer, he quickly shut up. But two more passengers started asking questions – and one of them was a regular reader on the Web. Small world, this electronic village.

Astrology: I lecture about it, teach it, do about a bazillion readings, and I write daily/weekly/monthly columns. There are days, though, I must confess, when I seriously doubt my craft. For a poet, this is “the long dark night of the soul.” In the last year, however, I’ve gotten those “not too subtle” reminders that astrology, whether I believe it or not, works. One example comes from all the early degree Sagittarius clients {11/22 – 12/1}. They all seem to be feeling the transformation coming from Pluto, exacerbated by Uranus in Aquarius. My clients and faithful readers prove to me, time and again, this astrology stuff WORKS!

Saturn in Aries is also lending solid proof, too, as the business demands on my time increase. Saturn frequently seems to represent that ugly word “work.” That’s why I’m writing, here on the beach. Wish I had the time and a surf board today.

What’s coming up for 1997? Astrologically? 1997 starts with Mercury retrograde, then Jupiter hits Neptune and the world sees dreams shattered. But shortly after that, Mercury goes direct and Jupiter lines up with Uranus. It may start slow, but by February, the promise of the New Year hits full stride. 1997 will rock your world, you can trust me on that one. This 1996 year was about getting ready–are you?

As I was getting ready to pull out of the park, I noticed a real ranch pickup truck, I could tell that it was from a working ranch by the racks and general condition of the vehicle (you don’t live here without learning about trucks and recognizing hay bales and straw), and these two real cowboy ranch hands had surfboards sticking out the back of the truck bed. Better get used to it, 1997 is going to be year full of surprises.

Kramer Wetzel
Sent from a Newton via Aloha 2.3.4